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January 22nd, 2008 (08:53 pm)

new semester!
It is pretty exciting. I expect to see less than 2% of the people I have met in high school for the rest of my life not accounting for reunions and such.
I am beginning to see that these people are so wrapped up in their unproductive lives they can not even recognize they are being completely unproductive. I guess I am at a happy medium between lazy-sit-on-the-couch-for-ten-years-smoking-doobies and  starting a save-all-the-children-in-third-world-countries-cause-i'm-important-and-i'm-going-to-college group at my high school.
I understand that i am not being productive in an sense by having said that.
I can't help but be affected by the hostility of my peers and be hostile myself in my own head (most of the time)
I can't hear friends tell me that people in my classes i.e. my ap drawing/painting class, that I am pretentious, without feeling strange. When have I ever expressed confidence in anything except in my certainty of my lack of confidence. I guess it is not that hard to believe that a person who is not confident can also be pretentious. I hope they are confusing pretention with thoughtfulness. ! now i am beginning to second guess myself.
exclamation points should be at the beginning of sentences. I never really feel excited at the end of a sentence. I guess I run out of energy by the end of my sentences.
they are kindof aggravating because I always end up rereading a sentence with exclamation points because I never assume excitement! Did you have to read that sentence over?


(no subject)

January 13th, 2008 (10:05 pm)

start over!

almost everything is good right now
Finished with five of six applications. sent. done.
I was done for about a month but had a few loose ends to tie up.
I am now a shift leader two (highest is five) meaning hopefully I'll be making more money. Atleast more than 90% of my fellow employees.
Everything is all right with John again for now at least.

I think it is very important that I actually take time to hang out with my friends and not just say that I will.
Still can not find my jewelry projects.. err

(no subject)

October 18th, 2007 (05:58 pm)

I am finally finding out more and more about myself
yeah I guess that's maturity

I am controlling
I have trouble seeing the positive aspects of my life and myself
I am my worst critic
I am everyones worst critic. I always seem to focus in on negative aspects of humans.
It might be the area I have grown up in
I think I have realized that I have artistic talent
I want so desperately to be an fully functioning individual
I miss my past relationships, with my family friends and with myself. I think I was most comfortable with it.
I severly miss the flash of time from the moment I was able to drive my own car and the time john first asked me to be his girlfriend.
not that It has been goign all down hill from there. It is much more complex now.
I miss simplicity

I never would have thought I'd be winding up goign to art school.
There has never been something I wanted so badly and is seems so far out of reach. It is insanely expensive. I can not afford a $30,000 a year tuition by working at oberweis. even with finantial aid and as many scholarships I can get my hands on.
or my other option I am aware of is CCS in detroit. I don't think I will fit in there at all. But they are willing to give me an $80,000 scholarship. Oh and detriot is probably the most dangerous city in the US.

SAIC seems like such a good fit for me
their school is amazing
it's attached to the Art Institute
I can take the train to and from school everyday
use the train as a planning period
be close to home and family and friends
it's in Chicago
good work oppertunities
a good place to acheive my personal goals

keeping eyes pealed

I might not even end up going to art school
I want to be a well rounded person and at the same time I want to focus on what I love and what I am good at.

(no subject)

December 25th, 2006 (10:46 am)

mood: cheerful


(no subject)

September 30th, 2006 (09:34 am)
melodies: lair-built to spill

today is my 17th birthday

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